Keys to Creating Capable Kids

Capable independent, happy kids… kids who feel good about themselves…what makes them that way? Recent two books I read began to shed light on this question. Here is a brief checklist of keys to having (or becoming) a capable, independent child.

Accept your child just as they are. Sometimes we all wish our children were just a little different. Affirming, enjoying, and valuing a child for exactly who he is, is the first step in creating a confident, capable child.

Let them make choices. Children feel helpless and incapable when they see themselves as having no control over their lives. Provide them with opportunities to make choices, guiding them in the decision-making process by helping them to see the benefits, draw-backs and commitments involved in each choice.

Teach them response-ability - the ability to choose your response. We empower our children by teaching them that they have the ability to choose how they will respond to things. Blaming circumstances, conditions, or other people only leads to feelings of helplessness. Be clear about your expectations, and don't do form them what they can do for themselves (let them order in a restaurant, R.S.V.P. for a party, etc.).

Motivate with praise. Children do their best through consistent, specific praise. When they don't' "shine," it is easy to become frustrated and focus on the negative behavior. Instead, try praising. Not just for "A" papers or outstanding behavior, but let them know that you notice and appreciate how hard they are trying, that you value their day-to-day creativity, initiative, thoughtfulness, and effort. Be specific - what do you like about what they are doing? This is more sincere and shows that you really are noticing what they are accomplishing. A hug or pat on the shoulder will strengthen your message.

A final note: Communicate your concerns about your child to others discretely! Children are often excellent "observers" but very poor "interpreters."